I have been reading a lot of lists and tweets and face book postings and blogs…you name it, about the last ten years as seen through many different sets of eyes, ears and perspectives. I have honestly not paid too much attention to what my life has been over the last 10 years, until today. No real reason, just didn’t really care enough to look back. Then the “#10years” tweets started and I stopped for a minute to think back to where I was 10 years ago today. Dec 31, 1999. I almost fell out of my chair when that hit me and then the memories started rolling in and now I can’t stop them. Despite the fact my children were born in 1997 and 1998, the first 10 years of the 2000′s can lay claim to bringing the biggest changes to my life.

Dec 31st, 1999 I was living in a half renovated double-wide trailer on 2 acres in Ponchatoula, La. I had been married for 7 years and had 2 babies almost 3 and 2 years old. We had no heat, just kerosene heaters which did not work well. No oven or stove, just a microwave. My (now ex) husband was making great money, in the neighborhood of $70,000 a year working in a refinery, but it turns out he was supporting his ‘ho and with what was left he went hunting and spent on himself and his beloved farm animals. I remember getting $100 a week to feed all 4 of us, with one in diapers and no oven or stove to prepare good, cheap meals. I was living a nightmare. This was probably the lowest point in my life.

Two months later he left/I kicked him out, and the kids and I moved in with my parents. I got a job and a life and slowly climbed out of one hell and into another. Being a single mom was no fun for me. I am not built to be alone and spent most of the first 5 years of the decade struggling, lonely and overwhelmed. In 2002 I got pregnant by a guy I barely knew, got married and lost the baby a month later. 2 years after that I kicked him out and finally found myself in a place I could almost be happy on my own. I was still over whelmed, still dead broke, but fortunately also still had the support of the best mom and friends a girl could ask for. We were making it by the end of 2004. Not thriving, but making it. The kids were in “big school”, I had a reliable job and paycheck and vehicle.

2005 issued in the “Year of Change” as I think of it. I met Chuck in January, he got transferred away in June, Katrina hit in August and we blew into Wichita, KS in early September. We went from a camper to a home in 2 weeks. By the end of October I had a job where I am still employed, making double my last salary in La. Fast forward 2006 through 2009. We worked, played and explored our new world. We grew to love then hate then finally became accustomed to the snow, and learned to appreciate the low humidity and constant Kansas wind. The kids made tons of friends, and our house is always filled with family and friends and the barks, meows, squawks and sqeaks of our pets. 4 months ago we bought our dream house. The kids are now both home schooled and thriving. And the most imporant part of all…

We finally found happy.

I look in the mirror and I see more than the 30 year old girl now turned 40. I see more than the few wrinkles and grey hair and, um yes, some weight gain. Beyond all that I see the woman I was meant to be. I have a double-major degree. A successful career that is about to start moving forward again. I see someone who has learned to love herself and teach her children to do the same. I see a woman who now knows what it is to love and be loved by a man with no strings attached, just for who you are. I see a smile, even on the tough days. And yes there are still some of those, but they are a different kind of tough. The kind where there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I can handle that kind of tough any day.

Looking back at all the changes in the last 10 years I cannot even being to comprehend what the next 365 days will bring me, much less the next 10 years. If it keeps getting better at the same rate, I will be pinching myself daily to be sure I am not dreaming on my 50th birthday. Sure my life isn’t perfect, who’s is? But if nothing else I have learned that life is going to put me where I am meant to be, and I am strong enough to take anything it throws at me.

Bring it on!

Happy New Year.

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